actually happy.
i feel happy for the first tim ein a long time. i am actually happy for once. i have been talkin gto adam so much, and there is something about thim that just makes me so happy. ive been writing a lot too lately, surprisingly. i actually want to finish this one ahaha. schedules came today, but mine is at dads house so i wont get it till tomorrow... woo. the other night was emily's real birthday dinner. i felt really pretty. my hair was done nice, my makeup looked good, my dress was nice. idk there was something about it that just made me feel pretty for the first time. emily looked gorgeous as always and she looked so happy. i was glad she was happy.

                                                                                  morgans house ahaha, testing the new lens :)

 i'm hoome :). cape may was nice, but 4 days was just enough time. tonight i might be going to the inkwell with people, i havent been there in sooo long. oh, MY FISHEYE CAME IN!! ah im so excited to use it AND my camera's ready !!!! finally !                                                                                                                                                                       

 ive been in cape may for two days now. its like an ocean grove except i havent seen any gay flags yet. the ocean is really nice and so is the beach. the owner of the bed and breakfast im staying in is really annoying.. shes like fake nice. shes like a teenager ahaha. it's nice here, but i cant wait to go home. :)


the one.
 so in fifth grade i made like this little chat room account on this site called chatango and i JUST remembered about it. so i sign on last night and i get an IM from this kid adam. *hes not a creepy old man because he knows someone that ive met before* anyway, we started talking and this kid is like my musical soulmate. he likes all of the music i like. and he likes chris garneau.. i LOVE this kid, ahaha. anyway he seems pretty cool and he lives like 44 miles away, which is a bummer. but i hope someday i can actually meet him. ahahah i sound like such a loser.

 so i decided that i am going to start the 365 project on flickr. 365 project is like you upload a picture every day for one year [hence 365] and they should be self portraits i guess. knowing myself i probably wont finish and eventually give up, but it's worth a try.


 last night was great. the party went so well and she was so happy. we were all in the street, and what do we see? a fucking blow up doll. joe takes it and starts running around with it.. funniest thing ever. danielle ended up sleeping over. i missed her so much i am so happy she did. we are going to piervillage in a few minutes, this should be fun :) .

 so tonight is the surprise party i planned for emily. i'm kinda nervous. like i don;t want it to be really boring, but i don;t want it to get out of control so that my mom will let me have people over again. i really hope she's happy. the cake i made is fucking epic ! oh my god it came out so good and i was really surprised.. i thought it would look like crap. my mom said 10 people including me.. so i asked mary, kara, catherine, meredith, joe, tim, matt, kevin, and danielle to come. kevin might not be able to, but i hope he does. i miss him so much. i just really hope everything goes well and that it doesn't rain again.

last night was really weird. tim and i had a venting session, ahahah. he told me his secret and i told him mine. i didn't tell him the whole thing.. just the summary like i do to everyone else. i decided to light incense last night at like 11 and my ENTIRE house still smells like it. my mom is so pissed, hahah.

I miss my camera.
 so, i have no camera for three weeks and i am going crazy. i have nothing to do now and i'm so bored. why did someone have to fucking sit on it?! tomorrow is emily's surprise party too and i have nothing to take pictures with </3 .  god dammit !


   i am so sick of people. like don't fucking make fun of me when 1. i pretty much do nothing to bother anyone, and 2. i've NEVER talked to you before. like grow a fucking pair. i don't know who you are, you don't know who i am, leave me the hell alone.                                                                                                  

"Don't cry, I know you're trying your hardest."
 so i just got home to my dad's house (redbank) from monmouth beach. i'm exhausted. the beach at pier village was gorgeous today, the waves were perfect. me, justene, kara, taylor, and i hung around in kara's house tonight and we took some shots, haha. the boys showed up at kara's like they always do and we ended up roaming the town with them. taylor finally got her bowl and this is "the happiest day of her life." i really need to shower, im still grimy from the beach.. i feel disgusting. oh, and i found my flip video camera thing and i'm planning on making my own video like this one . i don't know why, but for some reason i find it very touching. my camera's flash broke so it's now getting fixed. i have to spend three weeks without my camera now </3, i don't know what i'm going to do with myself, haha. 

i just need to cry. it's that simple. i feel like if i did, i would feel better. but i just can't cry. this is pissing me off so much that i can't, if i could then i would feel so much better than i do.. fuck life.



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